Chapter One
Kel
I’d never planned a romantic evening before. Ever.
Don’t get it twisted, I knew all about, like… getting romantic… in the brown-chicken-brown-cow sense of the word. I’d been the hookup king of Sigma Nu for a reason.
I’d even done the dating thing a time or two, where I’d put on my green button-down—the one Hayes called my fuck-me shirt because it made my eyes look “fire, bro”—and take a special lady out for a meal or whatever.
But setting a scene? Trying to sweep someone off their feet and put cartoon hearts in their eyes? Hells no. I’d never had a girlfriend who’d stuck around more than a week.
So right then, I felt like one of the newborn giraffes in the cute-animal video Hayes played on repeat, wobbling around on spindly baby romance legs.
“No risk, no reward,” I said under my breath as I frantically rearranged the couch cushions for the sixteenth time.
Brewer’s advice had seemed so simple when he’d given it to me a couple of weeks ago, and I’d been chanting it like a mantra.
But simple didn’t mean easy. And while I’d been working shit through in my head, trying to figure out how I, Kelvin “Kel” Morgan, a self-proclaimed heterosexual ally for twenty-three years, should tell my best friend and gaming partner, the man I loved like a brother, that my feelings for him weren’t all that brotherly anymore…
Well, I’d fucked up.
Like, impressively.
I stood by the front door and rubbed my palms against my jeans, trying to look critically at our cozy living area. There wasn’t a whole lot I could do with it since the room was mostly couch—Hayes said it was important to get a sofa proportional to our seventy-five-inch flat-screen, and as per ush, he was right—but at least it looked clean. No empty cans on the coffee table. Gaming stuff put away. And I’d fixed all the throw pillows Hayes had flung around during our first and only epic fight the night before.
“Kels, what the fuck?” Hayes had demanded when he’d curled up on the couch beside me—like riiiight beside me—to play DragonBlood4, and I’d scooted away. “You’re suddenly not cool with us falling asleep in the same bed, you hardly talk to me anymore, and you got all stiff and weird when I hugged you this morning!”
Hayes had sounded so fucking hurt it had killed me. Seriously, like, stabbed-in-the-chest dead. Because the last thing I wanted was for him to feel rejected or unloved when the opposite was true.
But how the fuck was I supposed to explain that the reason I’d stiffened when he hugged me was because I’d, like, stiffened when he hugged me? Or that all the things we’d done for years without a thought—sharing the king-sized bed in our one-bedroom apartment because neither of us really liked bunking on the sofa, or goofing around and wrestling on the floor, or even drinking from the same soda can, when it meant my mouth was where Hayes’s mouth had been—now made me think all kinds of thoughts?
Maybe Brewer was right, and the way I acted around Hayes was a sign I’d actually been in love with him forever. But realizing I was in love with him had been a mind-fuck. It felt weird and wrong for me to enjoy doing all that stuff with him when I knew I was now enjoying it in a… non-friendly way.
Last night, after our fight, I’d taken the couch, and while I’d tossed and turned, I’d also psyched myself up to finally, finally, come clean to Hayes this morning. But by the time I’d woken up, he’d been gone—as in, no happy good morning text, no giraffe videos, no nothing—and I’d realized I’d borked everything.
So I’d texted Hayes to ask if he’d be home tonight…
And I’d tried not to freak out at his cranky response:
Hayes: Yeah, I’ll be home after the art exhibition. I do still live there, don’t I?
And then I’d made a plan.
Or, like, the internet had.
I’d googled “how to tell your best friend you’re in love with them” and gotten a lot of unhelpful advice like “be honest” (obvi) and “prepare for rejection” (impossible). The internet had also suggested other shit, like candles, wine, music, and chocolate, which seemed suss, but what the fuck did I know?
So I’d picked up some scented candles, and some wine, and a bakery treat while on a Kitchen Couriers run in Piermonte, the fancy town on the other side of Copper County, and I’d found a Spotify playlist called “Most Romantic Love Songs Ever.”
Now, all that was left was to figure out how to, you know, tell Hayes.
Tell him that watching him jump around the living room to “Dancing Through Life” from Wicked the other day had made something in my chest just… click.
Tell him that when he’d closed his eyes, sung at the top of his lungs, and done a ridiculous shimmy that should have been embarrassing but had been perfect, I’d suddenly understood why I’d never felt as close to anyone as I did to him.
Tell him I finally got why I’d never had a relationship that lasted.
Tell him I felt incomplete when he wasn’t around.
Like, no big, right?
“Pull it together, Morgan,” I told myself, lighting the fancy candles with shaking hands. “It’s just Hayes. It’ll be okay. He makes everything okay.”
This was true. Hayes had been my bestie for five years and my roommate for three. He’d seen me hungover and food-poisoned, and he’d comforted me when my dog died. He knew I talked in my sleep and that I cried at TikToks about sad animals and returning soldiers.
But because it was Hayes, that meant I was about to risk everything, and there was no “just” about it.
I dimmed the lights, did a final hair check in the bathroom, and was heading to the kitchen to unwrap the cake I’d ordered… when I heard Hayes’s key in the lock.
“H-hey, broski!” I said, sliding into the living room.
Hayes looked utterly gorgeous in a blue sweater that matched his eyes. He also had a little frown between his eyebrows that I called his “disgruntled kitten look,” mostly because every time I called it that, Hayes would tackle me while growling “You want the claws?”
And, yeah, now that I thought about it, Brewer might be right about the whole “in love with Hayes forever” thing.
“Bro, why’s it so dark? Did we blow a fuse?” Hayes demanded, looking around our living room before giving me a glare. “What the fuck is going on here?”
I took a deep breath. I could do this.
No risk, no reward.
Chapter Two
Hayes
Something was going on with Kel.
My best friend was good at many things: listening, gaming, working hard. One thing he sucked at, though, was being cagey. So when he’d started doing the secretive-and-distant thing these past few weeks and refused to talk to me about it or even admit there was a problem, I’d figured there was only one possible explanation.
After hiding it for five solid years, Kel had figured out I had a huge crush on him…
And he was upset about it.
On the one hand, the situation wasn’t my fault.
The man looked like he’d wandered out of an anime, for fuck’s sake, with big green eyes, long lashes, and a shock of brownish hair that stood straight up in the cutest way. And when I’d come out to him as bi freshman year, he’d not only vowed to act as my wingman no matter who I wanted to hook up with, but he’d also hugged me tight and kept hugging me for years despite the “no homo, right?” teasing we’d gotten from some of our classmates.
I was only flesh and blood, you know? Who wouldn’t crush on him?
On the other hand… the situation was totally my fault. I’d known Kel wasn’t into guys, and I’d never said a word about my feelings, even when my crush had turned into a whole lot more, which was a supreme violation of the best-friend code.
So as I walked up the stairs to our apartment, I knew it was past time for me to come clean. To apologize. To—ugh, the idea made my stomach churn—offer to move out and give him space for a while. I’d even gotten the key to Brewer and Delaney’s place so I could crash in their attic. Whatever it took to make sure Kel and I could get back on track and stay best friends.
My first clue that I might be too late came when I was nearly at the top of the stairs outside our apartment door. The entire hallway had the sickly sweet, baby-powder smell I associated with grandmothers and sorority girls.
The second clue came when I unlocked our door and found the origin of the odor.
Candles. Dozens of them, flickering on every surface of our living room like we were about to perform a séance or a ritual sacrifice.
“Bro, why’s it so dark?” I asked. “Did we blow a fuse?”
Then, as my eyes adjusted to the dimness, I caught sight of Kel… or the Ken-doll version of him, anyway. His hair was slick and flattened to his head, his usually scruffy jaw was shaved perfectly smooth, and he was wearing the green button-down shirt that had gotten him laid more times than I cared to remember.
“What the fuck is going on here?” I demanded.
“Hey,” he said, his voice higher than usual. “You’re, uh, home early. Was the art exhibit good?”
“Yeah,” I agreed cautiously. “I didn’t stay for the whole thing.”
I spotted a candle flickering right next to the Xbox—the highly flammable Xbox Kel had saved up and gotten me for Christmas two years ago—and I strode over to blow it out. Then I blew out the one next to the stack of gaming magazines on the coffee table.
I was starting to think I knew what was happening here… and I was not fucking happy about it.
I set my hands on my hips. “You made our apartment smell like Janice Plum’s hat,” I accused.
Kel’s cheeks flushed. “They’re just scented candles, man.” He crossed and uncrossed his arms like he didn’t know what to do with his body. “From Little Lavender.”
“Little Lavender?” I narrowed my eyes. “You bought candles at the bougiest store in ritzy Piermonte? I thought we were saving up to go to Pax East this spring!”
“We were,” he said. “We are! I just…” Kel fidgeted with his shirt cuff. “I thought they were cool.”
I sucked in a breath. The candles. The clean apartment. The fuck-me shirt. The pulling away. The cageyness. It all pointed to one thing: Kel had a date. Probably with someone he’d been hung up on for a while.
The churning in my stomach turned to full-on nausea.
Kel dating wasn’t… unusual. There had even been a couple of women who’d risen to the status of full-on girlfriend over the years. The relationships had been so short-lived Kel probably didn’t remember their names… but I did.
“So…” I tried to sound casual. “Big plans tonight, eh?”
“Huh? No. I mean…” Kel attempted a smile. “We can hang out for a while, if you want to?”
Hang out? Me and him? But then why…?
“Ohhh, I see. You’re having someone over later tonight, is that it?” The question came out more abruptly than I’d intended.
Kel’s eyes widened. “What? Bro, no! I mean, not… no.”
Not… no. Great.
“You should have just told me you needed the apartment,” I said, trying to hide my disappointment. “I’d’ve crashed at Brewer’s. I can still—”
“Hayes, no!” Kel practically shouted, then immediately looked embarrassed. “You don’t have to do that. The thing is…”
Troubled, serious green eyes met mine. He opened his mouth, closed it again, then blurted, “I need a drink!” and darted to the kitchen without waiting for my reply.
I sank down onto the arm of the sofa. Maybe Kel had a point. Maybe beer would help.
“Here you go!” Kel said brightly, emerging from the kitchen a minute later with two glasses of white wine.
I blinked. Kel hated wine. We’d had a whole incident at Jasper and Watt’s house once, where Kel had claimed wine tasted like rotten fruit, and Watt had said that’s because it kinda was, and Kel had been shocked and appalled.
Whoever this date was, they had to be really special for Kel to willingly purchase the stuff…
And that knowledge broke my heart.
The thing was, Kel had every right to date. To fall in love. To get married and unleash a dozen baby Kels on an unsuspecting world, if he decided he was into that. Hell I wanted those things for him, and since I knew he couldn’t have them with me, I’d accepted we wouldn’t be bros and roommates forever.
I just hadn’t expected it now. I hadn’t expected he’d find out about my crush and things would be so weird he couldn’t even talk to me about the woman he was dating. I hadn’t expected that my jealousy would make me want to stab things.
One thing was certain: talking about my feelings was off the table for tonight. Probably forever.
“Actually, I’m gonna get changed,” I said with a fake-casual smile. “These are my too-tight jeans.”
As I headed toward the bedroom, I caught a glimpse of Kel’s dejected face, but before I could ask what was wrong, he’d turned away, frantically trying to relight the candles I’d blown out.
Whoever Kel was trying to impress, I hoped she was worth it. And I really hoped he knew he didn’t have to try to act a certain way or change himself in order to be impressive… because he already fucking was.
I glanced back one more time as I reached the bedroom door. Kel was standing in the middle of our living room, surrounded by flickering candles, looking lost and uncertain in a way I’d never seen before.
For the first time in five years, I had no idea what my best friend was thinking. And I didn’t like it one bit.
Chapter Three
Kel
This was a total, unmitigated disaster.
My stomach twisted into a pretzel as I surveyed the damage. The candles Hayes had blown out wouldn’t relight, and I had to admit he’d been spot-on when he said they smelled like Janice’s cornucopia hat. So much for creating a romantic setting.
Strike one.
Still, I wasn’t giving up. I fucking couldn’t give up. Hayes was too important.
“You hungry?” I asked when Hayes returned from changing into his standard at-home uniform: basketball shorts that hung low on his hips and a faded DragonBlood4 T-shirt that clung to his chest and shoulders.
Just seeing him like that made my mouth dry and the rest of me sweaty.
I stuck my hands in my back pockets because I wasn’t sure what to do with them.
“Sure.” Hayes’s smile was determinedly chipper, but it seemed like he was avoiding my gaze, which made me sweat harder. “I had some food at the exhibit, but it was only finger foods and stuff. I could eat.”
“Chris Sunday’s charcuterie?” I demanded.
Hayes grinned—a real one this time—and his eyes met mine. “Yuuuup. Spring themed. He called it a Blooming Board. There were fresh figs involved.”
I gasped and pressed a hand to my collar. “And yet you brought none home for me? You betraying bastard.”
Hayes laughed out loud—the best sound in the universe—and for a second, I was confident everything would be alright.
“I, ah… I was actually thinking dessert rather than food.” I pointed toward the bakery box on the kitchen counter. “I got something else today while I was in Piermonte, and I’ll let you have the first bite since I know how to share,” I teased.
Hayes looked at the fancy box, and his smile faded. “You know… I’m actually not hungry.”
I frowned. I hadn’t known not-hungry was a thing Hayes could be.
“Come see anyway,” I said, beckoning him toward the kitchen and giving him big, plead-y eyes. “Please?”
“Ugh. Fine,” Hayes groaned. He picked up one of the wineglasses I’d left on our little dining table, downed the chardonnay like a shot of tequila, and strode into the kitchen like a man on a mission.
My heart sped. This was it. The cake would make my intentions clear. The bakery lady had written “I Want To Be More Than Friends, Hayes” in blue icing—Hayes’s favorite color—which would make it the perfect conversation opener.
“Here,” I said, sliding the box toward him. “Open it.”
Hayes tried to slide his finger under the top edge of the box but frowned when he found he couldn’t. “Jeez, bro. You hermetically sealed your dessert? Did you think someone was going to steal it?”
“Huh? Oh. No, not me. I told the bakery lady I didn’t want it getting damaged in transit, so she brought it to the back room and… I guess she went kinda loco with the Scotch tape before she brought it back out.”
Hayes snorted and grabbed a kitchen knife.
“Hayes, wait.” I darted out a hand to catch his wrist. “I just… I need you to know how important you are to me. This…” I nodded down at the box. “…might change things, but no matter how you feel after opening it, you being my best friend won’t change. Yeah?”
One side of Hayes’s mouth quirked up in a little smile that almost seemed sad or sentimental. “Yeah. Bros forever, right?”
I nodded confidently, though I hoped we’d be a lot more than that in a few minutes. I removed my hand. “Okay, now go.”
I kept my eyes trained on Hayes’s face as he opened the box, tracking the progression from confusion to shock to… anger?
There was a long moment of silence, during which my stomach fell to my feet, and then Hayes shouted, “Who the fuck is Penny? And why are you proposing to her with a cake?”
I snatched the box, and my stomach plummeted so fast I felt light-headed as I stared in horror at bright pink letters spelling out, “Marry Me, Penny.”
“No!” I shouted. “Oh, fuck. I told them… I said to write… I asked for blue icing,” I stammered. “This is the wrong cake!”
Strike two.
Hayes inhaled through his nose and folded his arms over his chest. He looked like he was wrestling with some kind of demon… and not in a fun or kinky way.
“I don’t think Penny will mind what color frosting she gets,” he finally said in a stilted voice. “And I was just kidding about proposing with a cake. It’s… sweet. Sort of.”
I frowned. What the fuck was he talking about? “Uh. Okay. But you know I wasn’t—”
Hayes turned away and practically ran out of the kitchen. “Sorry, Kel,” he called from the living room. “I’ve gotta go. I forgot I have… things. With Brewer. To do. At Delaney’s house. And I might sleep over there. But I hope tonight works out for you. Sincerely… mostly. Fuck, where are my shoes?”
I raced after him, getting to the living room in time to see my normally calm and composed bestie standing by the front door, practically spinning in panicked circles.
“Wait, Hayes! Please don’t go,” I begged.
I looked around the apartment helplessly. This whole plan had gone to shit, and I didn’t know what to do. But then I remembered I had one more card left to play.
“Dance with me,” I blurted.
Hayes stopped spinning, but only so he could turn toward me and gape like I’d grown a second head. “I don’t understand.”
“I know. I know you don’t. Because I don’t know how to say…” A wild, clawing panic crawled up my throat. This felt like my last chance. My only chance. “Please? Just one song. One song, and then you’ll understand everything I want to say to you, okay?” I held out a hand in an old-fashioned, courtly gesture.
Hayes stared at it like it was a snake that might strike him. Then he ran a hand over his face. “Those eyes should be illegal,” he muttered. “Fine. One song.”
“Great.” Breathe, Kel. “Good. Okay. You won’t regret this.” I opened my phone, pulled up the Spotify app, clicked through to the Romantic Songs playlist I’d found earlier, clicked it blindly, set my phone on the table, and turned to face Hayes. “This song will tell you everything you need to know.”
In the brief moment before the music began, I smiled at him—at my best friend, at the man I loved—and imagined myself taking him in my arms and holding him against me, the way I’d been dreaming of for weeks.
Hayes rolled his eyes, and then he smiled, too, like he couldn’t help it. Like just us being together made him as happy as it always made me.
I took a deep breath for the first time in what felt like a century…
And then the Bluetooth speaker in the kitchen started blasting NSYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye.”
“Shit, no!” I shouted, grabbing my phone to silence it.
“Fuck it, I don’t need shoes,” Hayes said, turning for the door.
The universe was laughing at me right now. A giant cosmic joke with me as the punchline.
“Hayes, wait!” I grabbed him by the arm and spun him around. “That was my bad. Shit. I didn’t even check… What asshole put this song on a romance playlist?” I fumed.
“I’m guessing the same asshole who proposes to his girlfriend in buttercream!” Hayes yelled.
“Hey!” I scowled, feeling hurt, though I couldn’t say why. “I thought you said that was sweet.”
Hayes narrowed his eyes and brought his face within inches of mine. “I lied.”
I closed my eyes, and my shoulders slumped.
Strike three… or more like three billion… and I was out.
I’d failed completely. I hadn’t just lost any slim chance I’d had of making Hayes see me differently; I’d made a fool of myself and ruined our friendship, too.
In five fucking years, I couldn’t remember Hayes ever running away from me. I couldn’t even have imagined it.
“No risk, no reward.” I snorted, dashing a hand under my eyes, horrified to find I was leaking. “Brewer has no clue.”
“What?” Hayes whispered.
“Nothing.” I backed away and started looking for my own stupid shoes. I couldn’t look at Hayes. Couldn’t bear to see confusion or pity on his face. “Look, I fucked everything up, and I’m getting that you don’t want to be around me right now. But you stay here, and I’ll go sleep at Brewer and Delaney’s, and we’ll talk tomorrow, okay? You’ve got work in the morning, and you know how congested you get around Teeny. You need rest.”
“And what the fuck am I going to do with Penny when she shows up?” Hayes demanded.
My head snapped up. “Who the fuck is Penny?”
“That’s what I want to know!” Hayes thrust a hand toward the kitchen, and his blue eyes flashed with anger I didn’t understand. “Someone you’ve apparently been dating for a couple weeks and are now cake-proposing to without even fucking introducing her to your best friend?”
Dating? “I didn’t—”
“Jesus, Kel. I’m sorry, okay?” Hayes lifted his hands and let them flop back to his sides. “I’m sorry I made it weird. I’m sorry I’m acting jealous. I’m sorry I’ve been in love with you for five years and it’s fucked up our friendship. But honest to God, how could you not tell me you met someone serious before you fucking proposed to her? Because, like—”
Without warning, the whole world stopped spinning on its axis. My jaw dropped, and I shook my head, wondering if maybe the blaring NSYNC had damaged my earbuds, but my heart knew I’d heard right. That was why it was thundering inside my chest, spewing hope into my bloodstream. “What did you say?” I asked softly.
“I said, how could you not tell me—?”
I grabbed Hayes by both biceps and pushed him against the wall. “Before that,” I said urgently.
“I…” Hayes’s eyes widened and blinked. His whole face turned red like it did when he insisted on ordering the triple-pepper wings at Wing Night because he knew they were my favorite. Then he lifted his chin. “I said, I’ve loved you for five years. But I get that it doesn’t matter because you have someone else—”
Was he serious?
Countless nights staying up playing games, talking about everything and nothing. The way Hayes always seemed to know what I was thinking before I said it. The way I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it.
It was the only fucking thing that mattered.
“Hayes. Bro.” My voice cracked as I shook his whole body, my fingers digging into his skin like he might disappear in a poof if I let go. “There is no one else. There’s only you.”
“But Penny—”
A desperate laugh bubbled up from my chest. “Dude. I’m not kidding. I don’t know who the fuck Penny is,” I said. “But she’s about to be real confused when her boo gives her a cake that says ‘I Want To Be More Than Friends, Hayes.’”
Hayes’s blue eyes widened, and he shook his head. “But… but you have the whole apartment set up. You’re wearing your fuck-me shirt. You have a date.” His voice dropped to a whisper. A hopeful whisper. “And you’re straight!”
“Hayes. You’re the date.” I bit my lip. “At least… I really wanted you to be. And I think… No, I know I’m not as straight as I thought. Because…” My chest felt it might crack right down the middle if I didn’t spew some part of what I was feeling, so I just fucking went for it. “Because I’m in love with you, too.”
“Kels,” he whispered cautiously. His eyes searched mine. “Is this like the time I drank too much Jäger and hallucinated that the Pizza Hut mascot was challenging me to a dance battle?”
I laughed because that was so fucking Hayes. Because I got all his ridiculous references, just like he got mine. Because signs were strong that I hadn’t fucked us up irreparably… and I might just get to know all his future stories, too. Because I loved him.
“It’s real, baby.” To my shock, the word didn’t feel weird coming out of my mouth. It felt right. Like the natural evolution of us. Like we’d leveled up our friendship from casual mode to legendary status, unlocking all the bonus mods and side quests we’d been missing.
And it was fucking epic.
“You bought me fancy grandma candles.” Hayes’s eyes were huge.
“The scent is called Hearts and Flowers,” I corrected. “And the lady at the store assured me—”
“And you got me a cake.”
“Chocolate,” I said softly. “Your fave.”
“And you made me a playlist so we could dance!”
I frowned just slightly. “Well, no, I didn’t make the playlist. Some thoughtless criminal asshole made that playlist and then put the worst possible—”
“You love me,” Hayes interrupted, wonder and amusement shining in his blue eyes.
I nodded solemnly. “I do. I really do. And if you listen to your cousin, it’s been happening for a while, even if I only realized it a few weeks back. I kinda, uh, had a breakdown at Brewer, and he told me to be honest, but I was… fucking terrified. You’re the most important person in my world, and I’m so fucking bad at relationship stuff—”
Hayes cupped my face in both his hands. “This isn’t relationship stuff, dummy. It’s us. You and me. All you ever need to be is you.”
Then he kissed me—not tentative or questioning, but all in, like Hayes always was. His hands slid from my face to my waist, pulling me closer as our kiss deepened, and I grabbed his shirt, already thinking how I could get it off him.
Because Hayes was right. Relationships might be complicated, but he and I had always fit together perfectly. The simplest and easiest thing in the world. And now that I’d gotten out of my own way and managed to take the risk…
The reward was going to be pretty fucking sweet.
Haven’t met all the residents of Copper County yet? Read the series HERE!